Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry...

Hi boo. I haven't been here in a while. I have missed you so very much. Today, I officially changed my last name. I wish you were here to see it. I'm really good at pretending all is fine on the outside. The truth is, I am so very terrified of living without you. It isn't fair. Part of me is so scared to be happy because I can't imagine what else could possibly happen. LA was a blast, I wish you had come with me. I saw a psychic who immediately mentioned my emotional pain, lots of loss and tears throughout my lifetime. I don't know why some days hit me so much harder than others. It's such an up and down rollercoaster. It just makes me so sad that you're never coming home. I try to occupy and distract myself as much as humanly possible, but it's only a short resolution. I have never in my entire life had my heart hurt so much. Please come visit me soon boo, it's been so long since I've felt you near me. I need you so terribly. I don't know what I'm doing anymore, I don't know how I'm here without you. Sometimes I feel absolutely nothing, and other times it's all too intense to feel. I just want you to come home and I want everything to be normal again boo. It's not fair that you were taken away from me. I love you so much.