Almost 10 weeks later.

So, here I am. It's almost been 10 weeks. Today, your sister and I went through clothing and picked out what we wanted to use for the quilts of clothing that is being made. After she left, I broke down. The closet looked so bare, and I felt as if you had moved out. I guess part of me will always feel like you're going to walk through the door at any given time. It's silly, and not realistic, but it's how I feel. I then went through a bin of your clothes, I had started a load of laundry before I found you that morning. I kept those clothes in a bin and haven't touched them until today. In there, I found the shirt you were wearing that day that was cut open. I nearly collapses to the floor with it. My heart sank and broke at the same time. I then rearranged the closet so it isn't so bare. It's still VERY surreal to me. I knew it would be hard going through the clothes, but I had absolutely no idea how intense my emotions would get once it was over. The end result, when I have a quilt of your clothing, will be worth it. I guess a lot of times, I put quotes in my blog because sometimes they are exactly what I feel. And sometimes, I just don't have the words. It feels like it's been 9 years, let alone 9 weeks. You feel so distant from me, and it's nothing I've ever imagined in my wildest dreams. If there is anything that I've learned from this, it's that life is too short. We had so much of our lives planned out and it was abruptly stopped and ripped right from under us. Which means, I will no longer stick to plans and not let myself live my life. I hope that I make you proud and I hope that you never truly leave my side. I could never live without you, boo.

"There's a corner of my heart that is yours. And I don't mean for now, or until I find somebody else, I mean forever. I mean to say that whether I fall in love a thousand times over or once or never again, there'll always be a small quiet place in my heart that belongs only to you." Beau Taplin, The Corner.