There are so many things that I'd like to say to you, but I will never get the chance. I'm not ready to say goodbye and I'm not ready for our love story to end. I'm so numb to how much I miss you. I'm so hurt by how much I need you. And I'm so sad because of how much I love you. I will continue to love you for all of my days. The world feels so empty and so lonely without you in it. I miss the children we never got to have. I miss laying on the couch together watching our shows. I miss falling asleep next to you and waking up next to you the following morning, every day. I miss getting annoyed with you. I miss getting mad at you. I just don't understand how we ended up here- how you ended up leaving me. I thought you cheated death in July and that it was all going to be okay. I thought that we'd make it. I never imagined being without you, even for a minute. I try so hard to fill the void with anyone who I can talk to, to distract myself from remembering that you aren't here. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you I loved you more. I did, and I do. I keep replaying our days out in my end, wishing so badly we were back at the beginning. Before you got sick. Before I lost you. You were my soul mate, the reason I felt safe. It's so hard to not be angry at God for taking you from me. And I am so angry at myself for not saving you again. I would give anything to have saved you. It was my job to protect you, and I'm so sorry that I failed. It's so scary to me that it's already been 21 days, because it feels like a century ago that I was able to talk to you, to touch you, to be with you. My heart feels like cement that's pulling me to the ground. The first week was the worst. I remember feeling like I had absolutely nothing to live for. You are the reason I breathe. You are the reason I am continuing to breathe. I took our love for granted. I took you for granted. I thought we'd have the rest of our lives to do all of these things that we wanted to do, and for that I am so sorry. I have this thought that you're okay without me now. I know it's selfish and it's so silly, I just can't believe we're not together and I'm supposed to just go on with my life. I don't know who I'll talk to about my day, or make dinner with. The world is so much scarier without you in it, boo. Everything good that I ever do in my life or with my life is going to be for you and because of you. Remember when we began? We couldn't have been more in love. I knew right away that you'd love me forever. I can't believe your forever was so short lived. I can't believe how many times a day I am forced to realize this is all really true. I'm trying to be so strong for you. I know that you didn't want to leave me and I don't want you to feel guilty for that. The days seem so much longer now. They went by so quickly when you were here because there were never enough hours in the day to spend with each other. I can't believe that God chose me to be with you until the end. I know there was a purpose for that and I wish I could find it. I promise I will love you until my very last breath. I can't wait to be with you again. I hope we pick up right where we left off.
"Because death is the only thing that could have ever kept him from you"
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