This.

It's so hard how fast things change and how quickly they will never be the way they were. And you keep feeling like you want to go home- but you are home, it just doesn't feel like home anymore. And you want to sleep, you want to sleep so badly....but sleep isn't restful. And you wake up just to remember that THIS is your reality, that this is real. Because when you wake up every morning your life feels like a dream. And you get out of bed, you smile at people, you take care of yourself and even others. And you just keep going. No matter how badly it hurts to keep going without someone you've lost. And winter will become spring, which will become summer, and we'll be full circle before we even realize it. And those are just more days, more months and more seasons without you. One third of a year, four months, feels like eternity. And then it'll become years, which you really can't even fathom. But you keep fighting like hell because that's the only thing you've ever known how to do.