”For the first time in a long time, I started to feel things again. I started to feel happy. But lately, I guess I’ve been feeling distant from you, like you’re pulling away from me or something. I miss playing board games every night, making triple decker Eggo extravaganzas at sunrise, watching westerns together before we doze off. But I know you’re getting older, growing, changing, and I guess, if I’m being really honest, that’s what scares me. I don’t want things to change. So I think maybe that’s why I came in here, to maybe try and stop that change. To turn back the clock, to make things go back to how they were. But I know that’s naïve. It’s just not how life works. It’s moving, always moving, whether you like it or not. And yeah, sometimes it’s painful. Sometimes it’s sad. And sometimes it’s surprising, happy. So you know what? Keep on growing up, kid. Don’t let me stop you. Make mistakes, learn from them and when life hurts you – because it will – remember the hurt. The hurt is good. It means you’re out of that cave.” 
-Stranger Things 

Time.

The problem with time I’ve learned, whether it’s the first two weeks I got to spend with you, or the final two months I got to spend with him; eventually, time always runs out. No matter how many years go by, I know one thing to be as true as it ever was—I’ll see you soon, then.

Time keeps moving on.

Hi boo, it's been a while. I'm really busy with work and school again. I had to call in sick on Friday because I had a fever. Thursday night was the usual routine...I battled back and forth debating if I should just go in or not. When the fever got higher, I decided it was time I started taking care of myself before I take care of other people. I think I missed you most in that very moment, in this very weekend. My world slowed down and I was aware of the big hole I have in my life. It's easy to keep myself busy and bury it for a while, but it was extra prevalent this weekend. I spent a lot of time in bed, thinking about you, thinking about what we'd be watching or playing together. I don't think I have ever felt so alone. I can't believe it's been almost 6 months. There are so many things I'd say, so many things I'd do if you were here. I wish you were coming with to Ireland. I know you'll be there, but in the present sense way that I wish you would be. It feels like it'll be lightyears before I get to see you again and I hate that. I wish we could take Molly for a walk through downtown Lombard. She is just as much of a celeb as she was back then. I moved the bed, boo. I was hoping it would help me sleep better. I started to look through the things you had under the bed, but stopped pretty quickly. I just don't know when or if I'll ever be ready to get rid of your things. I miss you so much. I always believed in soulmates, and assumed you were mine, but I was never really sure until you left. I truly believe that apart of my soul is missing, and it always will be until it's reunited with yours. The days just last so much longer knowing I have to live my entire life through without you. I'm sorry that it's been so long since I've written to you. Please come visit me soon.

5 Months.

11/8/15 ❤ 5 months down, a million more to go. The last thing my husband did before he passed away was take my glasses off after I had fallen asleep in them. This was a pretty frequent occurrence, and still is. Every time he did this, I'd grunt because it woke me up. The last thing he said to me before he passed away in his sleep was, "it's okay boo, that's my job" as he kissed me. I miss him more than I could possibly fathom into words. I'm so lucky to have had such a genuine human being in my life- though they are few and far between. I love him more than anything and no amount of time that passes will ever change that. I miss you, boo. ❤

This.

It's so hard how fast things change and how quickly they will never be the way they were. And you keep feeling like you want to go home- but you are home, it just doesn't feel like home anymore. And you want to sleep, you want to sleep so badly....but sleep isn't restful. And you wake up just to remember that THIS is your reality, that this is real. Because when you wake up every morning your life feels like a dream. And you get out of bed, you smile at people, you take care of yourself and even others. And you just keep going. No matter how badly it hurts to keep going without someone you've lost. And winter will become spring, which will become summer, and we'll be full circle before we even realize it. And those are just more days, more months and more seasons without you. One third of a year, four months, feels like eternity. And then it'll become years, which you really can't even fathom. But you keep fighting like hell because that's the only thing you've ever known how to do.

Live.

Will I tell you that she lived happily ever after? I will not, for no one ever does. But there was happiness. And she did live. -Stephen King

It's always going to be you.

I knew I did from that first moment we met. It was… Not love at first sight exactly, but - familiarity. Like: oh, hello, it’s you. It’s going to be you.